Just finished watching all five hours of VH1’s 100 Greatest One Hit Wonders Of The ’80s. Brainless fun, but they sure are running these things into the ground.
You might remember that VH1 already did a One Hit Wonder countdown a few years back, hosted by No Hit Wonder William Shatner. As with that show, I have issues with the network’s definition of “One Hit Wonder.” Apparently they’ve decided that, coming up on twenty years hindsight, only having one memorable hit in the ’80s is enough for an artist to qualify for the privilege of having d-list celebrities snarking on them. Therefore you have a-ha’s era defining “Take On Me” comfortably perched at #3, forgetting that the synthy Norwegians also had a decent sized follow-up hit (“The Sun Always Shines On TV”) and a pretty good Bond theme (“The Living Daylights”) to their credit. This is both revisionist and sloppy.
It all begs the question — what is a true One Hit Wonder? I use the Billboard Hot 100 pop charts as my yardstick. If a song peaks in the top 40 (or, better yet, the top 10), it’s a hit. If a particular artist has only one single that peaked in the Pop top 40 — one song and nothing else in the Hot 100 — that singer or group can claim the title of One Hit Wonder proudly. You might want to know how well VH1 did in this regard. Combing through Joel Whitburn’s book Top Pop Singles 1955-1999, I’ve logged below every single artist who had only one single peaking in the top 40 from 1980-1989 (the list also includes a few stragglers who entered the charts in late ’79, like the Buggles’ “Video Killed The Radio Star”). Songs that are bolded are also on VH1’s list. As you can see, there aren’t too many bolded tunes here. It doesn’t take a mediocre comedian to notice that reality and VH1 don’t quite jibe.
Artists United Against Apartheid – Sun City (#38, 1985)
Autograph – Turn Up The Radio (#29, 1985)
Boys Club – I Remember Holding You (#8, 1988)
Boys Don’t Cry – I Wanna Be A Cowboy (#12, 1986)
Martin Briley – The Salt In My Tears (#36, 1983)
The Buggles – Video Killed the Radio Star (#40, 1980)
Rocky Burnette – Tired Of Toein’ The Line (#8, 1980)
Roseanne Cash – Seven Year Ache (#22, 1981)
Felix Cavaliere – Only A Lonely Heart Sees (#36, 1980)
Gavin Christopher – One Step Closer To You (#22, 1986)
Stanley Clarke – Sweet Baby (#19, 1981)
Clarence Clemons – You’re A Friend Of Mine (#18, 1985)
Climie Fisher – Love Changes (Everything) (#23, 1988)
Cock Robin – When Your Heart Is Weak (#35, 1985)
Company B – Fascinated (#21, 1987)
Marshall Crenshaw – Someday, Someway (#36, 1982)
Rodney Crowell – Ashes By Now (#37, 1980)
Danny Wilson – Mary’s Prayer (#23, 1987)
Diesel – Saulsalito Summernight (#25, 1981)
Charlie Dore – Pilot Of The Airwaves (#13, 1980)
Double – The Captain Of Her Heart (#16, 1986)
Larry Elgart & His Manhattan Swing Orchestra – Hooked On Swing (#31, 1982)
E.U. – Da’Butt (#35, 1988)
Face To Face – 10-9-8 (#38, 1984)
Harold Faltermeyer – Axel F (#3, 1985)
Frida – I Know There’s Something Going On (#13, 1982)
Get Wet – Just So Lonely (#39, 1981)
Godley & Creme – Cry (#16, 1985)
Haircut One Hundred – Love Plus One (#37, 1982)
Jan Hammer – Miami Vice Theme (#1, 1985)
Hipsway – The Honeytheif (#19, 1987)
John Hunter – Tragedy (#39, 1985)
Rebbie Jackson – Centipede (#24, 1984)
JoBoxers – Just Got Lucky (#38, 1983)
Oran “Juice” Jones – The Rain (#9, 1986)
Jump In The Saddle – The Curly Shuffle (#15, 1984)
Junior – Mama Used To Say (#30, 1982)
Kix – Don’t Close Your Eyes (#11, 1989)
The Korgis – Everybody’s Got To Learn Sometime (#18, 1980)
Laid Back – White Horse (#26, 1984)
Larson-Feiten Band – Who’ll Be The Fool Tonight (#29, 1980)
David Lasley – If I Had My Wish Tonight (#36, 1982)
Jeff Lorber – Facts Of Love (#27, 1987)
Gloria Loring – Friends And Lovers (#2, 1986)
M/A/R/R/S – Pump Up The Volume (#13, 1988)
Nancy Martinez – For Tonight (#32, 1986)
Bobby McFerrin – Don’t Worry Be Happy (#1, 1988)
Bob & Doug McKenzie – Take Off (#16, 1982)
Models – Out Of Mind, Out Of Sight (#37, 1986)
Shirley Murdock – As We Lay (#23, 1987)
Nena – 99 Luftballons (#2, 1984)
Gary Numan – Cars (#9, 1980)
John O’Banion – Love You Like I Never Loved Before (#24, 1981)
Ollie & Jerry – Breakin’… There’s No Stoppin’ Us (#9, 1984)
Opus – Live Is Life (#32, 1986)
Benjamin Orr – Stay The Night (#24, 1987)
Oxo – Whirly Girl (#28, 1983)
Partland Brothers – Soul City (#27, 1987)
Leslie Pearl – If The Love Fits Wear It (#28, 1982)
Point Blank – Nicole (#39, 1981)
Dan Reed Network – Ritual (#38, 1988)
Cheryl Pepsii Riley – Thanks For My Child (#32, 1988)
Roachford – Cuddly Toy (Feel For Me) (#25, 1989)
Romeo Void – A Girl In Trouble (Is A Temporary Thing) (#35, 1984)
Royal Philharmonic Orchestra – Hooked On Classics (#10, 1981)
Scarlett & Black – You Don’t Know (#20, 1988)
Charlie Sexton – Beat’s So Lonely (#17, 1986)
Phil Seymour – Precious To Me (#22, 1981)
Silver Condor – You Could Take My Heart Away (#32, 1981)
Frankie Smith – Double Dutch Bus (#30, 1981)
Soft Cell – Tainted Love (#8, 1982)
Judson Spence – Yeah, Yeah, Yeah (#32, 1988)
Jim Steinman – Rock And Roll Dreams Come Through (#32, 1981)
Suave’ – My Girl (#20, 1988)
Patrick Swayze – She’s Like The Wind (#3, 1988)
Sylvia – Nobody (#15, 1982)
Taco – Puttin’ On The Ritz (#4, 1983)
Ta Mara & The Seen – Everybody Dance (#24, 1985)
John Taylor – I Do What I Do… (#23, 1986)
Timbuk 3 – The Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades (#19, 1986)
Timex Social Club – Rumors (#8, 1986)
Tom Tom Club – Genius Of Love (#31, 1982)
T’Pau – Heart And Soul (#4, 1987)
USA For Africa – We Are The World (#1, 1985)
Vandenberg – Burning Heart (#39, 1983)
Vangelis – Chariots Of Fire (#1, 1982)
The Vapors – Turning Japanese (#36, 1980)
Don Williams – I Believe In You (#24, 1980)
World Party – Ship Of Fools (#27, 1987)