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Gruesome Twosome: Looks 10, Musical Ability 3 Edition

Alyssa Milano: “One Last Dance”
CD: Do You See Me?, 1992

Audrey Landers: “Playa Blanca”
LP: Wo Der Südwind Weht, 1984 | BUY

Tell Lindsay and Paris the news: back in the ’80s and early ’90s, sexy celebs ventured overseas to sing so Americans wouldn’t have the, uh, pleasure of hearing them. Dallas siren Audrey Landers enjoyed a successful recording career in Germany, predating fellow thespian David Hasselhoff by a few years. “Playa Blanca” satisfied the uniquely German appetite for queasy, synthetic dance music with tropical beats. If the personnel involved sounded as if they had too many banana daiquiries, that’s okay. Later on, Alyssa Milano spent a time supplementing her Who’s the Boss? checks by being the Japanese Debbie Gibson. “One Last Dance” is a wimpy ballad that owes its melody to Natalie Cole’s “Miss You Like Crazy”, but Alyssa’s voice has a certain clunky appeal. Do You See Me?, unfortunately, marks her last singing effort to date. C’mon, Alyssa, we need you back in the recording studio!

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